Friday, September 29, 2006

So I had this dream last night...

So I had this dream last night…

Normally conversations like this don’t end well for listeners, especially if I’m involved. But bear with me. Um…bare with me? Hmm…now I’m thinking of naked bears…as opposed to clothed bears like Yogi (even though he only wore a hat and tie, that kinky bastard!)

What? Don’t stare at me like that….

Anyways, so I have this dream where I’m a part of an elite fighting group for a king. Sorta like the Sovereign Guard (Hi, Sherri!) but we dress in black and kill people We kill ‘em good. The king has his normal, everyday, 9-5 cannon fodder soldiers. Then he’s got his knight in shining armor, went to the College of Whooping Ass with a Sword, tin-can on a horse, warriors. And then he has us, who, if we ever took a break from killing folks, could be the Deans at the College of Whooping Ass with a Sword. There are 9 of us, about, all with different abilities and skills but each one of us as deadly as the last. What was my power/skill? Well, apparently drawing pictures of naked women and having long, wavy blond hair. Yes, in this dream I was white. I’m still trying to figure that one out. I keep hearing ‘What’s a Nubian?’ from Chasing Amy. Moving on…

So I’m walking with the sexy, lithe princess, who’s a bit too…um…Nelly Furtado Promiscuous for the king’s tastes, when she asks me, ‘Sir Knight, what emotion were you trying to convey in this picture here?’ Then I see the picture she’s referring to; a woman lying in bed, under the covers, eyes closed, and a secretive smile on her face. But where are her hands? Oh. OH! Ahem! I hemmed and hawed and didn’t answer the princess, trying to find something else to talk about when the Kings men attack US!

(When I woke up, I thought to myself ‘I should have said “Self Discovery, Princess”! That would have been priceless!’)

Me, being the stalwart warrior of blade and brawn that I am, was not surprised by the surprise attack and engaged the foolish soldiers. We were sworn to protect the Princess and I guess the King got word that our leader had been protecting her with a little sword play of his own, if you get my drift. We wasted those guys pretty quick. They Are cannon fodder, after all.

Then came the archers and their clouds of arrows that they rained down upon us. More of my friends fell but me and three others escaped the castle into the deep forests nearby. That’s when things turned strange.

So we’re running from the castle when 6 evil Keebler elves, armed with swords, pop up out of no where and my friend says ‘Oh No! Not the Tricksters!’ My fleeing sword-brother runs Back to the castle, scaling a wall towards an empty room. Except the Tricksters magic is based on making people see things that aren’t there or not seeing things that are there. That empty room? Yeah…full of the kings elite soldiers. Poor guy is a pincushion before he’s inside the window.

I managed to shrug off the magical attack and take a few of the damn cookie-pushers down as I’m running. But then things go from bad to worse as the king lets out his hordes.

Suddenly, I’m surrounded by hundreds of evil, mace-wielding, green leather jerkin & trouser wearing oompah-loompahs who cackle manically and jitter around, all hopped up on Go-juice. So they jump us and I go into serious Jet Li mode…I mean I’m twirling and kicking and punching and dodging. The midgets are flying all over the place. It's AWESOME!

I can see the stream though. If I can just cross the stream, I’ll survive, I’ll be okay.

But then, to my horror, the world starts slowing down. The sappy Yo-Yo Ma cello & flute combo pipes up, and I start MONOLOGING!

Oh No! I know what this means! I don’t want to die! I’m totally gonna get raped by the crackhead oompah-loompahs if I die…I’m so close…but then there was only the monologue and then the fade to black.

That’s when I woke up…

What does my dream have to do with the price of milk? No clue, but I thought it was interesting and vivid enough to tell you poor, poor readers about it.

In other news…

Not much going on in the world of Benticore. Well, there was the party for Daimushi when he came home for a week. THAT was bananas. Raquita did a fabulous job organizing and getting our home ready, while I played the dutiful worker bee. We stayed up all night Friday cooking (3 meat Lasagnas, a roasted veggie lasagna that might be the single greatest pasta dish ever conceived, and a German chocolate cake that should probably be outlawed as a controlled substance) and painting (the stairwell, Cammy’s playroom), and cleaning (pretty much every space we had time to put a mop, duster, or broom to. The party was a smashing success, even though we told everybody 4pm when we meant 6pm so were still cleaning and cooking when the fist 15 guests arrived. Then we (me) stayed up till 6am Saturday keeping the party going, and then cleaning. I washed dishes for 3 hours straight Saturday night. Sunday we KINDA got to sleep in, but still didn’t really get to sleep because Daimushi had to get going (he spent the night) so we had to wake him up. But all in all, everybody enjoyed the party, and ate well. Now if we can only recover financially from it, we’ll be all good.

Going to the Game Saturday to watch the Cards either get back on the good foot or continue one of the biggest end-of-season collapses in baseball history. I’m rooting for the former. Not much in the way of housework this weekend, I think, since we gotta get Cammy some clothes.

My question to you is…

Because my imagination sometimes (read: always and without fail) takes me to places that I don’t always want to go (read: I like it and it makes me grin but makes me impossible to have normal conversations with some days), I’m having some trouble imagining dreams that people might have that are mundane and don’t involve 1001 Freudian images to delight, disgust and confuse. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. So I wanted to ask, or start a sort of meme, I guess, about your dreams. Here it goes:

Worst Nightmare: The one where an immortal, relentless being hunted me, trying to kill me. No matter where I went or what I did, this demon was inexorable drawn to me. It knew where I went and I couldn’t shake it. I knew that if the demon touched me, it would burrow its way into my chest and make my heart into an egg for its millions of babies, to soon burst out of my chest and destroy the world. The demon? A Worm. But what a worm! Nothing could kill it! (Did I mention that I have a small phobia of worms? I don’t mind snakes or spiders but worms *read anything slimy, segmented, or having more than 4 legs* creeps me the fuck out) In the dream I knew, that no matter what I did, where I went, I would never be safe because sooner or later, the Worm would find me.

*shudders*

Best or Favorite Dream: The one where the cyborg is hunting me and my friend and we devise this intricate plan to go to City Hall, get the blueprints for my house, find the gas line, lure the cyborg into the house, light the gas line and blow both my house up and the cyborg. Um…you know, in the dream, it made perfect sense and was the coolest Idea EVER! But before we could get to the place in City hall with all the records, the cyborg caught up to us in the elevator. I woke up as the thing revealed the long, sickle-shaped knife it had underneath it’s coat. Sounds like a nightmare but it seemed SO COOL! Like a videogame that I ALMOST won but took a wrong turn at…I never had that dream again but I still remember it like it had happened last night…

But why did I want to blow up MY house? Huh…

Reoccurring Dream: There is a carnival that I travel to in my dreams every couple of years It has the strongest scents of popcorn and fireworks, autumn and wind. Each time I come, things have changed, and the woman who runs the ticket booth knows everyone by name and knows that time has passed. The rides in the carnival are interesting if not spectacular but something always happens that I find particularly resonant, like the time I saw myself on several monitors. In the monitors I took my own life a I was being pursued by some gangsters. I later had that dream. So a premonition of a dream within a dream, I suppose. I wonder around the place, talk to some people I haven’t seen since last I was there, and then, as dusk approaches, the park closes down, everybody files out, and the lady at the booth winks and smiles at me and says, ‘See you next time Benticore’. I think its about time to revisit the carnival.

So. If you wouldn’t mind helping me out, write out your dreams for all to see. Or email em to me, if you wish. I don’t care how strange or mundane, just as long as they’re yours. Thanks in advance and have a great weekend.

Benticore
Out

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude, you DO know that you have to change that bong water every once in a while, right?

:-)

Andrea said...

My only question is if you ate before bedtime. If not, MY GOD MAN! You have a killer imagination! Or dream psyche. Because the killer oompah loompahs and the keebler elves? That's AWESOME!

I'll be thinking on this one. At the very least, you've given me new fodder for a blog post. Stay tuned...

Aeshema the Fury said...

@Anon: You gotta marinate the 'crazy' in the bong water...its like a cast-iron skillet; you dont wash it! You let that good flava (note the spelling) accumulate!)

@Andrea: Oddly enough, I didnt think this dream was all that weird until the slow-motion soulful monologue. I've NEVER had a slow-motion, soulful monologue. Not when the world was about to be destroyed by hundreds of ICBMs, not when I was running down the street being chased by the Blob, which had already eaten EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET, not when I cut off my own head by ramming my neck down onto the broken glass case of a museum exhibit to escape some gangsters. Never.

Also, I cant really convey how terrifying that worm dream really was. And its not like the worm could spit fire or even move faster than a worm. Its just that it seemed like it would always be like 100 yards away, no matter where I went. I couldn't sleep for more than like 2 hours at a time, cause I'd wake up to a slow rap-rap-squee sound, look at the window and see the damn worm burrowing THROUGH THE GLASS! Then I'd have to pack my things and RUN. I once had a close call with the worm; I had moved to like Spain or Portugal with a girl and her kid. We had a villa on the beach and I was bringing home a lite lunch of fresh fruit and bread when I saw the worm on the sidewalk. I tried to jump over it (it had planned to let me step on it and then burrow itself into my foot) when it JUMPED at me! I swear I screamed in my sleep. I dont even like talking about.

*shivers*

Benticore
Out

The Practical Vampire Slayer said...

Great to have you back! Do you think you might post that recipe for roasted vegetable lasagne any time soon?

And I've been having terrible nightmares since I was nine. I'll have to get back later, though, after I figure out how to explain them.

Sherri said...

Hey, Benti, I've been thinking about this. I dream vividly and often, and have a dream diary. My best and worst overlap, and I can't really pinpoint one worst and one best, but I can tell you my recurring dream: it's a searching dream. I'm back at college, only the age I am in real life. The students are all younger than me, but the teachers remember me, and welcome me back. Invariably the campus isn't exactly how I remember so I get lost and can never quite find my way to my next class. Totally lost, going through building after building, room after room of idiotic young people staring at me, but I can't stop looking for my class. I always wake up with a headache from thinking so hard.

I dig your dream. Don't you love it when you get a complete story?

Aeshema the Fury said...

I totally forgot the millions of dreams I have about highschool. Its like I cant escape that damn place! They aren't particularly bad, or even interesting. Its just that about 15% of my dreams used to take place in or around highschool (Im talking well after graduation and during and after college). Its frustrating because I feel like there should be a deeper meaning but I havent found one yet.

I almost have NO dreams of college. It was too surreal for me in real life anyway.

Benticore
Out

Jaelithe said...

Hehe I still have lots of dreams about high school too . . . only the buildings are always somehow different in my dreams than they actually were in real life, bigger and stranger, like our high school in a parallel universe . . .

I think Monsanto was secretly conducting experiments on the drinking water at our high school to see if they could give us all weird mental powers. That would totally explain the five-legged frogs in The Pond, right?

Jaelithe said...

P.S. I have a recurring college-related dream that is very similar to Sherri's, where it is the first day of class but I can't find any of my classes, and I get more and more panicked as the day goes on, as I miss class after class, until the day ends and I didn't manage to find a single one.

I also have a college-related dream where it's the first day but for some reason I didn't manage to register for classes yet, so I am frantically trying to register for something but all of the classes I want keep filling up at the last second or getting canceled . . . .