Thursday, April 20, 2006

5 minutes with Jerry

5 minutes with Jerry

5 minutes with Jerry (Benticore/Aeshema are two of several alter-egos)

If money didn't matter what would you do with your life? Write and travel and teach my daughter that this world is filled with wonder.

What's the biggest misconception about you? That everything you see is everything you get.

Beauty or brains? There are few things more beautiful than intelligence, but dammit, the package needs to at least be okay.

What is your weapon of choice? Lightning Wit, A crushing vocabulary and a madman's vision of the universe just beneath this one.

Who was your first celebrity crush?Chaka Khan.  The breasts...I aint gonna lie...I was a breast-lover from the GIT GO...

What's your family's nickname for you? J.  Raquita calls me that.  She almost never calls me Jerry.

What is your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? Listening to the sounds my wife makes when I put my lips on her.  Seems like a cop-out but if you knew how much I craved it, you'd understand.  I don't know if it's healthy to be addicted to that sort of thing, is it?

What's the last book you've read? The last book I FINISHED was Memoirs of a Geisha.  Im reading The hero with 1000 faces by Joseph Campbell.

Name one thing that scares you? Failing my family.
What's the biggest mistake you've made? Not understanding where my father was in his relationship with his wife (not my mother) while I was applying for college.  If I had known then what I know now, I would've gone someplace cheaper and not believed my father when he said he could handle the school debt with me.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie about you? ME.  I can act.  I got skills.  Seriously...I've even got a monologue...And now the sun sets on our fair city but where does our hero....hello?....hello???

If you ran for President of the United States, who would be your running mate? Adam McBrady.  Who else?  Tambora would be my Secretary of State, Justin would be my Secretary of Defense, Mooney would be the Head of Intelligence and Homeland Security.  And the 1st lady would have extended privileges.

Who is your favorite TV mom? Claire Huxtable...hands down...the lady had class, style, sexiness, intelligence, wit, charm, kindness, and a $100K/year Job!!!  AND the time to have 6 kids!!  And shes STILL Fine

What's the fastest way to pick a fight with you? Tell me Im being Negative when I'm trying to look at things from every angle.  I know I can get negative some times but just bring up the positive.  Oh, and yell at me.  Just start yelling.  That makes me angry but I have been trained to not yell back.  But make no mistake.  I am not happy.

If you could tell one person to shut up, who would it be? I got a nice long fact, lets go BULLET FORM, kids!

  • Rappers who talk about bitches this and hoes that and nigga this and twerk that, then in the same breath say they love they mama, they love Jesus, and that they respect women.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  • People who voted for Bush and are now surprised at his intentions to go into Iran.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  • People who don't listen to the news, read papers, go on internet sites, or generally do any sort of quick research about the geo-political climate of the age we're living in and then have the fucking balls to talk to ME about THEIR lame-ass opinions and get mad when I don't agree.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
  • News organizations that will, in an effort to be fair and balanced, broadcast to you the pundits who scream up and down that the sky is NOT blue but is in fact Yellow and that you are a Godless, Commie, Liberal, Gay-Loving Bastard who would sooner Rape Jesus as Talk to him.  ARE YOU INSANE?!?! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  • RAPPERS whose mouths are full with more hardware than Fort Knox.  If you can conduct lossless electricity through your fucking teeth you cant talk to me.  No.  Seriously.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  • People who put Support the Troops stickers on their giant SUV's. SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  • People who would rather complain about shit non-stop instead of a) Seeing the bright side of things and moving on or b) doing the things they can to bring about change or maybe even c) stoically take that shit like a grown ass person and keep rolling.  If you cant do any of the above, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

    Who would you die for? My wife, my child.

    Name one celebrity whom you would never procreate under any circumstances? Under ANY circumstances? Hmmm...1st to mind is Whitney Houston but that's kind of a given, isn't it?

    It would be an honor if some said my writing/poetry reminded them of: Nobody they have ever read before.  I Want my own unique voice to be appreciated own its own merit.

    Name one sex act you would never perform if you were the opposite sex? Donkey Punch.  Thats not something I would perform as much as have it happen to me but if I was a chick I'd keep a loaded shotgun with 'I've got your fucking Donkey Punch Right HERE' branded on the stock.

    Would you ever pose for Playgirl/Playboy? Well, Playgirl is really for gay men so that's a no.  If I was a hot chick I might do Playboy.  Its pretty tame as far as those things go.

When was the last time you cried? At Uncle Sonny's Funeral.  I didn't cry for Sonny though because he lived an extremely full life, even though he was taken so suddenly from us.  I cried for
Brandon, his son.  And for me because I could see myself in the future, sitting where he was sitting, mourning my own father.

What's the greatest personal tragedy you've ever experienced? My father's marriage and subsequent breakdown.

Complete this sentence: By this time next year______________. I will be 50 lbs lighter, taking guitar lessons, speaking better Japanese, teaching Cammy how to ride a bike, and EITHER taking care of a pregnant wife or a new puppy.







Raquita said...

you know you are my whole heart right, you came with a whole presidental cabinet - who knew? and if america knew what was good for it, it wouldn't go assainating the black man, cause the irish dude is PSYCHO.
i love ya, but i'm need to figure out some stress relief for you.

Sarah said...

You and I should NEVER EVER be able to make a shut up list together. HAHAHAHA.

Yeah Q, get this man some STRESS RELIEF. Brotha has some hostility with the shut up people. Uh, well, come to think of it....can ya get me some too.

tAnYeTTa said...

Rappers who talk about bitches this and hoes that and nigga this and twerk that, then in the same breath say they love they mama, they love Jesus, and that they respect women. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm sayin:
THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY! AND SOOOOO TRUE. Why do they (rappers) feel the need to bring up their entire 'pack'??? Didn't they LEARN anything from MC Hammer? Oh, I love this part: First giving honor to my Lord Jesus Christ, my N*ggas on lock, and my 4 baby mommas. LOL