Tuesday, June 13, 2006

A war on three fronts...

Battlefront 1: Cammy and the Binky:

A cause of strife in our happy home, the Binky represents a lot of things to me and my wife and my child. To me, it represents a barrier, a crutch to be used early then left behind as one grows older. Older than 1 year. Going on two years, Cammy still rocks the Binky almost as hard core as she did when she was 6 months old, and looks for it in times of stress or when she's crabby. We've tried to wean her from it but have old had marginal results and a number of strange and at times traitorous results (yes, going behind the hubby's back to buy a binky in a Binky War definitely counts as high treason, even if I agree with the reasoning and probably would have done the same thing if I were looking at a 3 hour outing with a screaming, tired, frustrated child and a throbbing migrane.). To the wife, I think it might represent the baby-stage that Cammy is leaving and the toddler stage she is truly immersed in now. To Cammy? I think it might be the thing that she can rely on to calm her down, to make everything less difficult. Why would you want to take that away from her? I think precisely because she Does look for it whenever she's upset, instead of dealing with why she is upset. I want her to grow and mature and I really feel like the Binky is keeping her from doing that. So we're trying to only let her have the Binky when shes going to bed. If she KNOWS she wont get the Binky, she's usually good and doesn't cry much for it, and eventually goes on with her day, being the crazy, sweet, silly, intelligent, wonderful child that she normally is. But what scares me is that when she DOES get cranky and angry and upset, she knows that if she cries loud and hard enough, eventually somebody (most times mommy but sometimes daddy too) will give her what she wants. Binky = What Cammy wants. Last night, before I went into the store, Raquita didn't give her the Binky and she got upset enough to reward her with some nice projectile vomit. The look Raquita gave me when I got back to the car (as I was the one who didn't want her to give Cammy back the Binky) would have been hilarious...if it hadn't been directed at me. So this is an ongoing war. Its not going to be easy, and it wont be fun, but if we don't do it now, and really suffer now, how much more will Cammy have to suffer because we were unwilling to get through a couple of bad days. Being parents means sacrificing, this is true, and we've both done our fair share of that. But I think it also means, doing what is right for your kids, even if your kids scream and yell at you for it. In the end, they'll get over it, and be better for it. I'll be the bad-guy parent on this. I'll take on that role and put on my black hat and Snidely Whiplash moustache. For Cammy? No doubt.

Analysis: Protracted siege warfare with small progress and lots of food being thrown.

Battlefront 2: The Clock is ticking...

How is it that I have 36 hours worth of things to do but 24 hours to do it in. Every day. So does my wife. It's hard. They really should teach a class of time management in gradeschool and pump that shit into you every year till you can vomit it out by the time you graduate high school. We both work 8 hour shifts, have a 1.5 hour commute, and try to sleep at least 6 hours a day. That's 15.5 hours right there. We come home and try to cook dinner, one of us does, while the other distracts plays with Cammy till we can all eat. Say it takes 2 hours to Cook and eat. We got home at 5:45 (6:45 if we had to go to the grocery store) so its prolly close to 8pm. Now we get to actually play with Cammy. Till about 930-10pm Then she goes to bed. Then its 10:30 and I usually walk the dog (if I haven't already) or wash dishes. Raquita might watch some TV or get on the computer. By the time its 11pm we're both in bed, although if we have to pick up Spoken from work, I will have left at 10:30 to pick her up. That's another hour of driving to get home at 11:30 to a dirty kitchen. But wait! Where is the time that I need to do the stuff I HAVE to do? Like washing clothes and ironing? Like preparing meals for tomorrow? Well, if I have to pick up Spoken, I do it when I come home, which means my head doesn't hit the pillow till 1am. With a 6am wake up call, that's not fun. But necessary. But THEN when do I get to the things I WANT to do? Work out? Write? Play Guitar? Read to Cammy? Run with Anubis? Play Videogames? Spend some quality quiet time with my lovely wife? I can do maybe one thing I HAVE to do but not all of them. And certainly none of the things I want to do. I can, but I have to cut a lot of things out. If I want to write, I have to leave when we get home which leaves Raquita to clean AND cook AND take care of Cammy. Same if I go work out. Some days its good, some days its not. But a lot of the time I feel like I just want to take some time to get things done, but then I feel horribly guilty when I actually DO take the time. It's a back and forth.

Analysis: Hit and Run skirmishes that seem like they accomplish objectives but just waste ammo.

Battlefront 3: '..and then he drew a perfect circle with a pen. That's how I knew he wasn't human.'

Balancing our budget is easy. Simplistic even. IF you ignore certain things such as Food, Clothing, Birthdays, Large Kitchen Appliance Repairs and other things like that. That's when things start getting difficult and Things have to get cut out and my wife asks me, in an exasperated voice 'Are we EVER going to get ahead? This just isn't working.' And I try to tell her that things WOULD work if things stayed predictable. But life, by its very definition, isn't. Last month we had unexpected bills and some overdrafts that taxed us pretty ugly. This month was supposed to be better and different. And it would have been. Then I got a speeding ticket. And the microwave broke. Raquita wants to buy a trailer for cammy so that she can bike with her and exercise in the morning and take her with. She also wants to get Cammy a bike of her own, which I support. But that's more than $350. The speeding ticket (I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! Still pissed off...) and the new microwave (which I think is a necessity, with Grandma watching our daughter) is going to be around the same price. We'll have the space in the budget to do some, but not ALL of these things. AND it leaves us coming OUT of the month of June in much less of a position to do some of the Other things we wanted to do, such as fix our Tenants bedroom walls that have been overgrown with mold (long story). So, again, more sacrifices. Either way, since I'm the one who's constantly looking at the numbers AND looking ahead, not just next week, but next month, Im pretty much going to be the bad guy when I have to say, 'wait, we can't do that just yet.' Also, feeding 7 people and doubling our driving everyday doesn't help either. I try to put it into God's hands every day. Somedays its pretty easy, others, not so much. We aren't in TROUBLE, not really. Its just that we both want to do so much and we don't have the time OR finances to do it all. We have to pick our battles and prioritize. THAT isn't easy.

Analysis: Slow, grinding trench-warfare that chews up men and resources like they were candy. Gaining ground but at such a high price, a victory might be Pyrrhic.

So that's where I am right now. Sorry for the mini-rant. Im actually in a good mood and pretty upbeat, just a little tired and a bit frustrated. It always seems to be either/or. I want a few 'how about both's

Some other news: The Lion & Spear story is coming along nicely. Cammy is growing up to be a fine young girl with a lot of spirit. My sister is coming in a month. My boss is out of town. I fixed my laptop, I literally brought that bitch back from the grave like my name was Lazarus or something. It's Tuesday and it feels like it should be Thursday.

Seeya when I seeya



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