Thursday, August 18, 2005

'Nuff said... (Mad props to The Onion @ )


KANSAS CITY, KS-As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public
schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose
Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical
Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held
"theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new
theory of Intelligent Falling.

Above: Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force,
but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down,"
said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and
physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity-which is taught to our children as a law-is founded
on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between
all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself
said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which
philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding
to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical
physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the
International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For
Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity
alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into
Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian
conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give
equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not
asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that
students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by
secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even
critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are
mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent
Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory
Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind,
both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making
them fall-just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind
is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling
everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This
clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law
based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical
physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's
mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general
relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen
Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the
Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of
a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully
compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is
supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to
realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for
'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an
elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the
'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear
force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt
their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of
the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is:
His name is Jesus."

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